I’ve Already Died: A Poem

I wrote a poem the other day, and I'm really glad I did. The rhythm is kind of choppy, and I honestly don't know what some lines mean, but it felt so good to write it. I hated art for a little while, because I hated my own art, but I'm very slowly beginning to appreciate it again. So, here's my poem.

I've Already Died

I am sad and I am lonely
I have no real value
I know you care for me
But do I really care for you?

I am selfish and I am rude
Because I'm tired of being nice
Beneath this smiling face
Are thoughts as cold as ice

I died a long, long time ago
And I'm sure I'll die again
Because life no longer interests me
I have no real friend

Oh, I'm sure that people love me
And keep me in their hearts
But I cannot return their sentiments
I keep myself apart

You see, I'm really quite useless
I have nothing of worth to offer
My mind is filled with pointless thoughts
Like pennies in the coffer

It's nonsense really, all of it
You don't have to tell me twice
I know I've lead myself astray
My sadness is my vice

But here I am and here I'll stay
I've lost all motivation
To try and bring myself to task
And resume human relation

I hate myself, I loath myself
I merely fill the gaps
Between the much brighter minds
Between the cunning traps

It's lonely here within the breach
Between the better souls
But I know better than you think I do
That I put myself in these holes

I'm such a lonely person
And I'm the only one to blame
I'm selfish in the most lethargic way
My words are just a game

I've resigned myself to isolation
It's what I've told myself I deserve
But don't think it's a noble sentiment
I just don't want to serve

I'm tired of giving myself away
My heart has been callously refused
In my most humble prostrations
I was ridiculed and abused

I thought I had let go of it
But alas my heart kept hold
And now it slumbers bitterly
And won't wake until I'm old

Perhaps I'll die tomorrow
Or perhaps not for a century yet
Either way it no longer matters
Because in my heart death is already set

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