Depression Is Not a Passing Cloud

I made a video on the topic of depression after seeing someone who does not seem to understand much about it made a video about it that got a lot of views. 

Depression Is Not a Passing Cloud

It looks like this blog is becoming a platform for vlogging…

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Censorship of Free Speech is Stupid

Today I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I came across a post on one if my new favourite pages, INFP-Dreamer. (According to the 16 Personalities website I’m an INFP). It was a sweet post that basically talked about how depression doesn’t always look the way we think it will, and that was relevant to me because I had struggled with depression for years with out understanding what it was. 

Well, one of the points in this post was that depression can be as simple as feeling unable to get out of bed one day when you were feeling perfectly fine the day before. I tell you this because someone commented on this post saying that everyone else gets themselves out of bed every day while we just sit around asking to be pitied. He then used a common phrase which involves an expletive expressing that we should go away. 

I was bothered by this comment, so I proceeded to respond. I crafted what I thought to be an intelligent and concise response explaining that many people with depression try to function at the same level as everyone else does, but often simply cannot keep up. We don’t want to be pitied, we just want those around us to understand that it can be risky for us to try and function at the same capacity as them every day. Satisfied with My response I clicked “post”. 

Alas, my reasonable response did not show up. Why? Because the one I was responding to was no longer there. Now, perhaps he had a lapse in judgement and said something he didn’t mean, and upon realizing this he repented and removed his remark. I don’t think this was the reason though. It was more likely that the administrator of the Facebook page thought this comment was offensive and hurtful, and took it down. Or perhaps someone who frequents the page reported the comment and Facebook took it down. I don’t know. Either way, I was left with a doozy of a truth bomb that had been dropped but never hit the ground. How sad.

So, here’s my point. I don’t like censorship, and it’s not just because I want to say whatever comes to my mind. It’s because I want others to have that freedom too, even if everything they say is stupid and ignorant. In a free society they should have the right to say it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know what it’s like to be jarred by someone else’s perspective. I shared in my previous post that there are times when expression of apposing views and conflict have me physically shaking. It freaks me out sometimes. I do not believe that is justification for me to completely remove their ability to express apposing views though, even if they hurt my feelings. 

The bottom line is, if we are so scared of other people’s ideas that all someone has to do is share a conflicting thought for us to all need our safe spaces, censorship is not the answer. Counselling is a more constructive solution. I have often received counselling myself, and it can be very helpful. 

Anywho, those are my thoughts today. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m much more comfortable expressing myself assertively, and well, just bluntly now. Isn’t it great!

Thanks for reading my blog. God bless you!

Joy

A lovely young lady whom I simply can’t say enough good things about just wrote a blog post about cultivating joy as part of being a godly wife, and I totally agree with her. That’s one of the things that my husband often mentions when he tells me things that he loves about me. He has said many times that he has never seen such joy in any one, and that no one has ever made him feel such joy as I have.

I have been called happy, joyful, bubbly and cheerful. Just this afternoon a customer at my place of work told me that she appreciated my cheeriness. In high school a friend of mine jokingly theorized that my brain must be made of marihuana, because he couldn’t believe that anyone could be so happy all the time. A few years ago at church someone told me not to lose my smile because it lights up the room.

Why then do I struggle with depression?

Oh yes, quite the sharp turn I just took there. Well, that’s what life is often like for me emotionally. One sharp turn after another. Lately I’m beginning to wonder if I’m manic depressive.

But what is the cause? Well, I believe there are a few sub causes that all fit under one main cause. I think the first sub cause is my attempt to justify each and every mood swing. I don’t like thinking that what I’m feeling might not be justified. I just want to feel. Unfortunately I do have to acknowledge when my mood swings are completely uncalled for eventually. I don’t usually do that though…

Another sub cause would be my tendency to destroy my own self esteem. When others see a minor slip up in me I see a landslide of failure, and I just continuously put myself down until I am convinced that I have degraded myself as much as I deserve.

Another sub cause is my habit of remaining in my basement suite by myself whenever I have free time. I am very protective of my alone time and am unwilling to spare any of it if I feel that even a tiny portion of it is under threat. This sub cause leads to another sub cause which is a lack of sunlight.

Basically, I am resisting correction, resisting mercy, and resisting relationship.

What major cause could all these sub causes fit into, you may ask?

Well, I’m trying to be the god of my own life.

I decide when my thoughts or behaviours should or should not be corrected or when they are justified.
I decide when I should or should not receive mercy.
I decide when people are allowed in my life.

I’m trying to be the god of my own life, and as a result the joy of the Lord is escaping my grasp. If I am to find the joy of the Lord again I must first accept that He is God and I am not, and begin living my life accordingly.

All glory belongs to God. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. I must behave in accordance with this truth. Then the joy of the Lord will be in me again. 🙂

Thank you for reading my blog. God bless you!!! 🙂