Yesterday I was pondering the belief that one’s sexual orientation is innate and cannot be changed, and I realized something. Almost every testimony I have ever heard or read of Christian’s being unable to change their sexual orientation had one common theme. They asked God to make them straight. They tried to “pray the gay away” as some people put it. They made heterosexuality their goal.
This always went over my head. I could never really understand it, so I never really tried to. I would note it, but I could never connect or relate to it. Here’s why:
That conversation never happened between me and God. I never asked Him to make me straight. I never made heterosexuality my goal. My goal was Jesus. My goal was to have a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. My life was not changed by “praying the gay away”. My life was changed by desiring God above all things.
Let me tell you what did happen between God and myself. I was in the laundry room contemplating all of the relationships in my life, and I realized that there is no relationship I will ever have that will ever be as important as my relationship with God. That was the changing moment. I committed myself to making my relationship with God the highest priority over all other relationships. That was the catalyst.
I believe that this is why so many reparative therapy programs and sexual conversion organizations have failed. Exodus International closed it’s doors last year and apologized to the LGBT community for “years of undue suffering and judgment at the hands of the organization and the Church as a whole.” These organizations make heterosexuality the goal, not Jesus, and that is why they have failed. This is a large reason why the homosexual controversy continues to gain steam.
When I was younger, perhaps still only 18 years old, I had a meeting with my pastor, along side my father, to ask permission to begin a small group specifically for young men and women who struggle with homosexuality. He was very excited to equip me to do this, and gave me as much advice as he could during the meeting. Eventually he gave me a little homework. One of the things he told me to do was to look into the Ministries and Organizations that already exist in this field and maybe speak to some of the people in these organizations.
That night I went on the computer and searched for the websites of these ministries. I only searched one. I don’t even remember what it was, but I didn’t like it. I remember that it pissed me off. I don’t remember why, all I remember is that the single website made me so angry that I gave up on the venture entirely. I remember thinking, “If I were still gay, this would seriously piss me off. I don’t think this would have helped me at all.”
I didn’t contact my pastor about it again for fear that he would insist that I try to run the small group similarity to how these other ministries were run. I’m sure that I could have spoken to him reasonably about it, for he’s a reasonable guy, but I didn’t know how to articulate what bothered me about it, so I didn’t try. Now I know why.
My Christian brothers and sisters, please listen to me. We must admonish each other, but we must not miss the mark. We must not convince others who struggle with homosexuality that heterosexuality is their ultimate goal. Jesus should be any Christian’s ultimate goal. The by-products of Holiness are not the ultimate goal. The benefits being in right relationship with the Father are not the ultimate goal. These are all good things and should be sought for, but not as a priority over God Himself.
Thank you for reading my blog. God bless you. 🙂