I finally get to talk about the very thing that I wanted to share when I first started this blog! I have wanted to share this right from the start, it was the reason I began writing here, and now God has given me permission to share this.
A couple years ago (maybe even longer) I was listening to a song by Jars of Clay called Worlds Apart. It was a Sunday morning and I was taking a walk through the town before heading off to Church. I remember that I was in the elementary school park, and I was swinging on the swing set as I listened to this song on my MP 3 player. I sang along with it as I thought about the lyrics, and I think the Holy Spirit nudged me. I think the Holy Spirit took that moment to begin the process of changing my heart. So, I kind of made that song my prayer. I asked God to take my world apart. I told Him to take everything apart so that I would let go of the delusions that I could somehow hold myself together. I was imagining a broken up landscape being held together by bungee cords as I prayed this. I asked God to take it all apart so that only rock and rubble would be left, and when that is all I have to look at, I will see that Jesus is all that is truly worth looking at. Jesus will be all that’s left to see.
Well, He answered my prayer, and His answer was not a quick answer. Oh, He answered my prayer right away. He began working as soon as my heart uttered the prayer, but His work took a long time to complete. So, guess what God had to do to begin His work. He had to remove the bungee cords. Oh yes, the ground beneath me began to break and tumble as the only means I had to keep it from moving and shaking was being taken away. I had to face my brokenness. I couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t there anymore. I couldn’t look at my sin and call it by another name, because God was making it all very clear to me.
I suppose everything I’ve written so far is everything that has come to my attentions as God was taking away all the extra things in my life; all the thing that He didn’t put there. Perhaps that’s why God has not given me permission to write this until now. Perhaps He wanted me to share everything that was a result of it first. Well, about five months ago I randomly messaged my fiance this sentence; “I think the dust is settling.” I said this to myself one day and for split second it kind of confused me. I do that sometimes. Like a few years ago in church I heard my own voice in my head say, “My rebellion is over.” I was confused for a moment, and then I felt relief. Something had ended in me in that moment, something which God had been working on for a long time, and something in me was announcing it to the rest of me. So, God has taken my world apart and now the dust has settled. The work is done. Time to look at Jesus more clearly.
Thank you Lord for completing this work in me. Time to move on to the next job, whatever that might be.
Thank you for reading my blog! 🙂